Tempo, Sweet Tempo

Another day of late running. Hubby had a 7 am tee time, so I waited to run until he returned home. It was a gorgeous sunny day although warmer than I would have liked for a tempo run. After a mile warm up, I set into my pace. Or, oops, a little faster than planned. Yet the first mile has a bit of downhill, so I let it ride. It felt good, more than good. I was running faster than my 5k pace and felt almost easy. I kept reminding myself that it was downhill. Yet the uphill came and the pace stayed easy. Then down and up and down and up. My legs felt great even when my breathing was labored from the humidity. By the end of the fourth mile, fatigue had set in.

I love tempo runs. And this one is at the top of the list of all time favorites! I love the effort of pushing myself just to the edge. There is such a fine line between the balance of the comfortable with the hard. Finding that balance and using it to strengthen oneself is an amazing feeling of accomplishment!

8:26, 8:29, 8:23, 8:20

Burn the Ships!

During yesterday’s long run, one of my favorite songs, Burn the Ships, played. As I have been quick to do lately, I compared the song to life especially weight loss and running. In the last year my life has changed drastically. I lost 60 pounds and started running again. The thing is that that isn’t what has really changed. The real me has changed. I no longer berate myself for being “fat and ugly.” I am no longer controlled by food. Now I am grateful for myself and appreciate the things I can do. I know that I can be successful; after all, I completed two very difficult tasks. In the 8 months since I reached my weight, I have maintained that loss and learned more and more about myself and my relationship with food. I recognize that food is fuel for body, not for comfort or when I am bored. Since I started the C25K a year ago, I have run in all conditions and in all moods. I have run in different states and I have raced longer and faster than in my 20s.

Going back to where I was a year ago is not an option. I burned my ships each and every day I learned something new about running or about nutrition. My ships went up in flames every time added a too large item of clothing into a box for Goodwill. I have nothing to go back to if I were to put weight back on. I cannot go back as God has given me the will and desire to change permanently.

Burn the Ships

Songwriters: Chapman, Steven Curtis; Elliott, James Isaac

In the spring of 1519 a Spanish fleet set sail
Cortez told his sailors this mission must not fail
On the eastern shore of Mexico they landed with great dreams
But the hardships of the new world make them restless and weak
Quietly they whispered, "Let's sail back to the life we knew"
But the one who led them there was saying

CHORUS
Burn the ships, we're here to stay
There's no way we could go back
Now that we've come this far by faith
Burn the ships, we've passed the point of no return
Our life is here
So let the ships burn

In the spring of new beginnings a searching heart set sail
Looking for a new life and a love that would not fail
On the shores of grace and mercy we landed with great joy
But an enemy was waiting to steal, kill, and destroy
Quietly he whispers, "Go back to the life you know"
But the one who led us here is saying

(Chorus)

BRIDGE
Nobody said it would be easy
But the one who brought us here
Is never gonna leave us alone

(Chorus)

A Wonderful Afternoon

Saddle Mountain Hike

Just a warning: Do NOT believe the weather forecast or satellite images when planning a hike in the Coast Range in October. We did and headed up Saddle Mountain this afternoon. In the 2.5 mile hike to the top there is a 1603' elevation gain. Not an easy hike on a good day. Today was not a good day concerning the weather. It was rainy although not a downpour; just rainy enough to think it would be no problem. However, when you break above the tree line, the wind was biting cold and the rain was almost parallel to the ground. The mountain was socked in and one would wonder why we went the entire way up. It’s just that once I get close, I cannot just turn around. I am a little obsessive and competitive that way. It was an adventure to say the least. Although we could have been more prepared, we were far more prepared than the group of twenty-somethings that were wearing light pants and sweatshirts. At least we had some rain gear, fleece and heavy jeans.

One thing I love about Oregon is the greens. Every nuance is beautiful. And when it is wet and foggy they appear even more intense. It was a beautiful hike. I can say that now that I am warm again…

Transitoning

Transitioning other foods back into my diet isn't as scary as I thought it would be. I am adding in the foods one at a time and so far everything seems to be working. I am increasing calories through more snacks and some fats as well as protein and carbs. Each evening I am planning out what I will eat the next day and putting it into MyPlan. (Food logging program on the Medifast site.) Once everything is in, I fine tune the calories and carbs and protein to get up to calorie. It is interesting how some days my carbs are really low and now I want to pop them up. I need to watch total calories not carbs in particular. I am trying to stay moderate fat and carbs though.

I am amazed how I really don't want to just go back to eating like I was before. I want to eat the veggies not the pasta. (Still haven't broken down and had a potato yet...) I am loving eating apples and I can't wait for the pears on the counter to be ready to eat.

I am researching which dairy I will add on Friday and from there on. The dairy does concern me slightly as before MF I had a lot of sinus congestion. I haven't had any on MF or yet in transition. I wonder if it is dairy products left from my childhood allergy. I'll see and adjust from there.

Practicing the planning aspect during 5/1 has really helped with adding the foods in during transition. I still think before I eat anything and review if it is on my plan and if I am actually physiologcally hungry. If is isn't on my plan but I am hungry, I find something that will fit in with nutrients as I need for the day. I don't give in to cravings like I was before. I can't believe I can actually say, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels."

Happy Birthday to ME!

Today is my birthday. Today my scale said I weigh 135 pounds for the first time in 21 years! There is no better present to receive than a different life! On my 40th birthday last year, DH surprised me with a luau. When I saw the photos of myself afterwards, I nearly didn't recognize myself. I knew I had gained a lot of weight, but didn't realize how I looked or how bad I really felt. It wasn't until the following May that I tried Medifast. I think God directed me to it, because it has truly changed my outlook on life and gave me hope again. I feel fantastic and I look pretty darn good, too!

The first photo was taken on my 40th birthday last year. The others were taken today. The third is a photo of myself wearing a skirt that I wore shortly before I started Medifast in May 07.

My New Adventure

Today is the first day of a new adventure. On May 14, 2008, I started the adventure of Medifast. It has been an incredibly positive and productive experience. And though I still have 1.1 pounds to goal, I am starting the adventure of transition today. I plan to view it with the same eyes that I started MF with in that it is one step, one packet that will get me where I need to be.

I started at 194 pounds, bloated, uncomfortable and basically not recognizing myself in the mirror. When I looked at the pictures of myself on my 40th birthday, I was appalled and incredibly sad. I knew I needed to change, but it took me several months to choose Medifast. I am so glad I did. I ordered 4 weeks “just to try.” DH was skeptical as I had tried so many other things and he knew people that had done MF and gained it all back and more. However, thirty days later, I was 20 pounds lighter and felt better than I had in a long time. I had HOPE that I would not be forever fat. By then, DH was sold and encouraged me to keep going. Now he is my greatest supporter even when I get discouraged. It is nice that he can’t keep his eyes off of me either! I am back to the same thing though—I don’t recognize myself in the mirror anymore.

Today I weigh 136.1 pounds, wear a size 4, run 7 miles at a stretch and can comfortably sit cross-legged on the floor again. I like that I am sitting at the computer, cross-legged in the chair without discomfort. I like that I enjoy shopping for clothes again—even though I have to find new places to shop for my new size. I love the changes in my body and I make this vow. I will remember where I came from and where I am now. I will cherish my new self and treat myself and my body with the respect and dignity I deserve as a child of God.

To keep my vow I have made a plan for transition. Like I mentioned, I know people who have lost a lot of weight on MF, but gained it all back and more. I will learn from that. I will do what they did not do. I will follow the Transition Guide as written. Even on those days when “just one bite won’t hurt.” I will monitor my weight very carefully during the first weeks of transition so I can see what effects different foods have on my body. I will make lifelong changes to my diet and activity level so I can maintain my weight long term. I will not be adverse to returning to 5&1 if a few pounds creep on and I will do that as soon as I get past my range and not wait until it becomes 10 or 20 pounds.

And above all, I will keep my support system strong! My friends and family have been amazing! Thank you for all your support!

Self Sabotage

Once I decided that I was going to start transition on Friday, I began to sabotage myself. A little extra green here, picking at the lean as I put dinner away. Nothing that bad, but things I have not done in the 20 weeks I have been OP. I am afraid of transition--pure and simple. 5&1 is so simple. I choose my five little packets and decide on my L&G (usually grilled chicken and a salad). Then I just go about my day. With transition, I have more choices and more decisions to make. I am afraid I will mess up. I am afraid that my hard work will be for naught. I worry that I have not learned enough or the habits I learned aren't engrained in my being enough. The thing is as much as I doubt myself, my DH believes I can do this. He believes I can transition and maintain my weight. When I started MF, he was very skeptical. Over the weeks he has come to believe in me. I cannot let him down or anyone else that has been there for me. But most importantly, I have to trust that God will guide me through transition and maintainence. I must have faith in Him and in the strength he gives me. I can do this, because He gives me the strength to do all things.

Cherish

I love the word cherish. It is a soft word that implies more than just a caring to me. There is tenderness even in the saying of the word. Cherish. To cherish someone or something is to do more than love it. It is to honor it and consider it before acting selfishly. I cherish my memories of my loved ones both here and those gone on to be with Christ. I cherish my friends who support me and whom I support. I cherish certain mementos given to me by loved ones or passed to me from generations before. I cherish photographs and their ability to place me back in that happy moment. I have forgotten to cherish the greatest gift ever given me—my life. God has given me my life to live in honor to him. He has given me this body to use to further his glory. For many years, I have taken that gift for granted and dishonored him in the way I treat myself. It is time for me to learn to cherish myself and the life He has given me. I commit to caring for myself tenderly and to nurture myself. I commit to being gentle with myself even as I am gentle with my loved ones. Yesterday, I found a pendant with that one single word etched on it. I wear it today as a reminder to myself to cherish everything in this life that God has given me and to honor Him in how I cherish myself and others.

Cherish
–verb (used with object)
to hold or treat as dear; feel love for: to cherish one's native land.
to care for tenderly; nurture: to cherish a child.
to cling fondly or inveterately to: to cherish a memory.

Origin: 1275–1325; ME cherisshen < MF cheriss- (long s. of cherir), equiv. to cher dear (< L cārus) + -iss -ish2; akin to charity

Beck Book - Day 16

Prevent Unplanned Eating

I have made a plan and I must stick to it. To prevent unplanned eating, I cannot give myself a choice to deviate from that plan. When I give myself a choice, it increases my struggle with myself. Staying within my plan means that I don’t end up eating spontaneously. Typically when I do that I regret my choice as soon as I take the first bite. Then I think, “Well, I started now, I might as well just finish it.” First I cannot allow myself to get into that situation. Second, I cannot give up just because I strayed with one bite. I must jump right back on my plan.

I need to consider what my rules are going to be to prevent unplanned eating. One is that I cannot drink anything but water and herbal tea until drinking my full 64 ounces of water. After that is done, I can have some diet soda if I choose. Another of my rules is no snaking while preparing meals, including licking beaters, spoons, etc. I lose track of what I am eating when I pick at foods during preparation and every calorie counts. Other rules will develop over time. I need to be prepared for any eventuality and plan for the unplanned. I can do this!