Saturday, January 29, 2011
Did you know...
That God has a sense of humor? If you were not aware of that, I am here to tell you it is true!
I have an anxiety disorder. Most of the time it is well under control, but there are times when it starts to affect daily life. I cannot stand to have extra noise and turn the radio off in the car. I sometimes will jump out of my seat and start pacing for no apparent reason--except that I feel bugs crawling under my skin. Thank God, I have had no full blown panic attacks in a few years. They are the worst. I feel like I am dying and only want to bang my head against the wall. Anyway, this is not the point about God's sense of humor, just the back story...
The last several months, business has been pretty bad. We spent alot of time with only one or two residents. The only inquiries were for people on hospice. Don't get me wrong, I love hospice care, but it doesn't pay the bills for long. Over the last month, things were getting more and more dire as our only resident is declining. We didn't worry too much as January is normally a very busy month for community based care. Not this year. No calls. I contacted everyone I knew and many I did not seeking referrals. The stress was beginning to affect my anxiety and my ability to sleep. The bugs-under-the-skin feeling came back. I paced the house. I prayed. I tried to trust.
Hubby and I began to discuss our options. We considered the options with the business and the possibility of closing it and selling the house. Not the best option with the real estate market such as it is, but we had to consider everything. We are fortuante in that we have options. The more we talked about the options the more some sounded inviting. Close the business, sell everything and move to Hawaii. We would need to live hand to mouth in a very small place. But warm and sunny has a lot to say for it! We have family that are willing to help any way they can.
As time passed, I realized how much I love our business. I love helping people--both our residents and their families. I love the freedom it gives both of us to follow our passions. Hubby can go play golf while we are on duty. I can run mid-day. Since we started the business we have been able to travel more than ever before--Washington DC, Hawaii, St Louis, California, France. I love working with my husband. There is no one else with whom I would rather spend my days.
Wednesday afternoon was beautiful--sunny and 50 degrees. I ran my entire long run with a smile on my face. I began to realize how truly blessed I am. I have a husband I adore, a family that loves me, a career I love. I have the health and strength to run mile after mile. This life of mine was worth fighting for, yet I did not have to fight for it. I just needed to let it go, to trust God to bring what was right to pass. It was a life epiphany. I went home, relaxed and refreshed. For the first time in weeks, I slept soundly. The anxiety was gone. I had peace that God would provide however he chose whether it be residents or a sign to make a change.
Then comes God's sense of humor. After that run, I got a call. Someone I had toured 18 months earlier wanted to visit again. His father's care has gotten too much for his mom and it is time to make a change. That same afternoon came another call. A woman who had been trying to convince her dad to move from his home. He finally said it was time. Both scheduled tours on Friday. God blessed both tours. Both have choosen to move to our care home.
God is laughing with me. He was waiting for me to decide what was truly in my heart. Then he blessed far above anything I could have imagined.