Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Musing, Missing

It is nearly midnight.  The alarm sounds in just 3.5 hours.  I cannot sleep.  Excitement, yes.  But something more.  As I laid in bed, my mind started going.  The last time I traveled out of the country, it was in 2003.  I was catching an early morning flight to Minneapolis.  There my mom, sisters and I would travel to Holland.  It was my mom's dream.  For 8 days, we laughed and shopped and admired tulips.  We visited the town where my ancestors were born and raised.  It was truly amazing. 

Tomorrow, I travel again.  It is an early morning flight.  This time to Paris.  Never a dream to visit, but the opportunity arose and we grasped it with both hands.  It will be amazing.  But it will be different.  I will see it with my husband this time.  An experience we will share for the rest of our life together. 

Yet, inside, I miss my mom.  I am sentimental, sometimes overly so.  It feels strange to be doing this without her .  Not that she would go, but that she would revel in my opportunity.  She would want to hear every detail, see every photo.  She would travel through me.  I cannot share this with her.  Yet she still goes.  She travels within me.  The piece of her that is me will see every raindrop as part of a rainbow, view every brush stroke as a masterpiece, note every detail as the part of a greater plan.  That comforts me.  She is me and I am her.  And together we travel this world.  Enjoy Paris, Mom.  I know I will.

3 comments:

ERG said...

Have a fantastic trip with hubs, Juanita! Post some pics when you can. I know it won't be the same without sharing it with her- but what an experience for you as a couple. Bon Voyage!!

Keeley said...

Have a really wonderful trip! And may your Mom be with you the whole way, enjoying and marveling and giggling. =)

NattyBumpo said...

I hope Paris hasn't swallowed you whole. I am looking forward to hearing from you again.